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just like ela [info]cinder_ela and belay dorksibelay, i'm also experiencing an emotional agony. gusto ko ng grumad! promise. hndi na ako msaya sa high school life ko and hndi na ata ako mgiging msaya pa. nramdaman ko lng cguro ung high school life in my first 2 years of staying in the dost bldg and after that, hndi ko na na-feel. hay. i feel so depressed today. super. tpos nkakapadepress pa ung school works na npakarami. badtrip tong araw na to!

like what happened awhile ago::
toffer(seatmate ko s left side) made me feel so angry yesterday because of all the things he said. well, firgiven ko na nman sya e, nkaaines lng tlga nung after nmin sumayaw ng ballroom, i was talking to him but he answered me, "nkikita mo ako?" well, sabi ko kse sknya nung ngalit ako, invisible ka na. nagkampi pa kme ni cristy(seatmate ko sa right side). bsta un. nakakaines din kse sa knya nagsimula ung issue ng 1-1 and 1-2. well, nung first year kse kme, parang may gap sa section 1 and 2. well, kme kse lging talo sa contest tpos kme prin laging pinasali sa activities outside school. tpos sabi nya, ang sasama ng ugali ng mga taga 1-1. ouch! 1-1 kaya ako, at marami kmeng 1-1 sa 4-1 ngayon. ngiging seryoso na ung dating sa iba. pero alam ko nmang nagjojoke lng sya e. tpos ntanong ko nlng, dpat ba tlga kmeng mag-away?!?! minsan kse hndi na mgandang joke e. pero peace toffer! cristy and i both love you as our seatmate. hope things wll be good naman cguro as days pass by. :(

then, nung lumapit ako sa kay jp, medyo binibiro ko sya para mcompensate ung burden ko kay toffer knna and binibiro ko sya coz he'll be leaving the phils. na after 4th year high tpos ngulat nlng ako bigla nyang sinabi na "shut up!" ouch db??!?!? tpos c jp pa, na kaclose ko khit papano. expected ko na nman e, kse the last that we had a serious talk, pinaiyak nya ako sa harap ng pc esp nung nging topic c paolo. we both miss paolo na as our friend. jp, thanks for everything! for all the things that you've given me. i know you exerted effort for those things. don't worry it's all well-appreciated.
 
kala ko, mgiging ok ako, pero i was so wrong. paolo approached me just to tell me his story when he strolled the dost bldg with someone. habang nagkkwento sya, bigla ba nmang kinurot ako ng npakalakas.(kalalaking tao!) ang sakit tlga. so i tapped his hand off mine and i walked out. badtrip na nga, lalo pang nging badtrip.
 
i thought they will comfort me but i was wrong.. again.. pumunta ako kla myka and i told them ung "shut up thingy", tpos biglang clang bumanat ng "shut up! shut up!", though it's a joke, hndi ako ntuwa, lalo tuloy akong ndepress. wrong timing magjoke. they apologized and of course, i accepted it.
 
 i ran hurriedly toward cristy and i told her the whole thing. nigla akong naiyak so i ran upstairs. third floor. she followed me and pagdting ko sa third floor, nkita ko c toffer. i saw him crying. medyo ntawa ako nung biglang dumating c cristy khit naiyak ako kse kming magkakatabi e. oh. destiny's game.. hay. watta coincidence.
 
bsta. mhabang kwento at bigla ko nlng nkita c toffer na kinocomfort ng mga section 2, sa room sya ng sec.2. tpos ung ibang 4-1 pumasok sa 4-2 at nilabas nya ung pain nya and all his burden that carlo brought to him eversince. CUT. ngulat nlng ako nung sinabi ni toffs sa amin na gusto nyang magpalipat ng section. gusto nyang section 2. section 2 tlga gusto nya e. :(
 
pero bigla kong naisip, ako rin, gusto kong mging section 2. mahal ko na ang 4-2 kse khit di ko cla nkakasama araw-araw. hndi ko man cla nkakausap kse di ko cla ksama s room at katabi cla ng room nmin, mabait cla sken. i always try to mingle wid dem. ayus nman! labs ko ang 4-2! mabait din nman ang 4-1 kaso nag-iba na cla. i feel like i don't know dem. 4 years of being wid dem is not enough, parang mas lalao ko na clang hndi kilala.
 
kim kimmy_dcsaid that carefree ang 4-2. mdaling pkisamahan. msarap ksma. anyway, wla na akong magagawa. malapit na grad. un nlng bunubuhay ng loob ko. khit nararamdaman kong love ako ng 4-1, prang may kulang e. o cguro, gusto ko na tlga magcollege at mag-iba ng env't.
 
and now, i'm thinking twice. am i exerting effort for nothing? gagawin ko pa ba ung sorpresa? aattend pa ba ako sa prom? parang ayoko na. if i don't attend the prom, would they still even care? mgiging msaya pa kaya mga days ko wid them? maybe, nag-iba na rin ako. i admit. pero ewan ko. nagababago ako dhil nagbabago rin kayo. :(
 
i thought you're my family. i guess i was wrong. :(
 
 i miss my friends outside school so much!.
 *hugs*
 
going back won't feel the same,
becca

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
cinder_ela
Feb. 18th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
hugsssssss >:D<
aww becca. cheer up. maybe you just had a bad day kaya naapektuhan talaga buong araw mo, believe me, maraming beses na rin yang nangyari sakin. perooo, andun parin yung katotohanan na nagbago na talaga ang mga tao sa paligid mo, ayaw mo man, pero ganun talaga. TIME MAY CHANGE YOU, but YOU CAN'T CHANGE TIME. hehehe nakuha ko yan sa CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN. :P

hayaan mo na lang muna sila. attend ka na ng prom! last year niyo na eh, umattend ka na. malay mo they have a surprise for you. sayang naman di ba? if you won't go for them, go for yourself. :)
becca_haler29
Feb. 18th, 2007 11:03 am (UTC)
Re: hugsssssss >:D<
pde bang gawing private ung comments? haha.. thanks ela! *hugs* ayoko tlga. ewan ko.. i already paid my dues for the prom pero tlgang nag-iisip pa rin ako.. aaarrrggghhh.. ewan ko.. actually, bday celeb ni dane sa 24 tpos eto ako, di ko alam kung mkkpunta ako dhil lng sa prom na ewan. gusto ko nmang mkisaya sa publico sa celeb ni deydey. :)
cinder_ela
Feb. 19th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
Re: hugsssssss >:D<
ay. tara sabihin natin sa lj community! hahaha. wish ko lang din noh. hay. hirap naman ng sitwasyon mo. kami naman medyo mahal din binayaran namin kaya nanghihinayang akong hindi umattend. heehee. pati wala naman akong mapupuntahang gig sa 24 so ayus lang yun. the next day sana pupuntahan ko eh! :))

ikaw. kung saan ka mas magiging masaya. dun ka! hehehe. aja! :)
becca_haler29
Feb. 19th, 2007 10:59 am (UTC)
Re: hugsssssss >:D<
onga e.. ewan ko.. mgulo pa isip ko.. ilang araw nrin akong umiiyak just bcoz of this matter.. i hav a good news! bka daw gwing march 10 ung prom.. para wla na daw kmeng msyadong gngwa as graduating students.. well, ayus un.. ayus kse, pde akong mkpunta sa 24 sa freedom bar para sa celeb.. ang problema ko, papayagan kaya ako? hbang nalalapit ung day, ntatakot ako... :( ayoko na!!
cinder_ela
Feb. 21st, 2007 12:07 pm (UTC)
Re: hugsssssss >:D<
nako becca better make up your mind before its too late! hehehe. talaga? mas pabor yun sayo. :P

hmmm. does your mom know na baka mamove yung prom niyo? magpaalam ka. sabihin mo yung part mo. malay mo di ba?

AJA becca, AJA! :)
becca_haler29
Feb. 22nd, 2007 09:03 pm (UTC)
Re: hugsssssss >:D<
ewan ko nga e.. eto friday na.. bukas na ung event. di ko alam. ano bang mgiging papel ng presensya ko dun? :( he's sad.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )